Crimes against Fashion: Special Victims Unit

Carabinieri Rome

In this rather permissive fashion world we live in, many crimes against fashion are considered especially heinous. Our dedicated team who have sought to highlight these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad, known as Philippe Perzi Vienna. Here are their stories. (ding – ding)

Wrong place at the wrong time

Chances are, you should not be wearing white socks with whatever you are wearing right now. There’s only one place to wear athletic tube socks, and that’s in the gym or whilst playing sport. If the environment is not fitness-oriented, give them a miss.

Skimming

Your clothes should ‘skim’ the body rather than hug or hang. If you can’t hold your arms out in front of you without your shirt straining at the seams or if you’re walking around with trousers which ride up where the sun don’t shine, then you need to cease that immediately! Don’t confuse tight with tailored. Your clothes should fit comfortably and not look like you’ve squeezed yourself into them. By the same token, clothes shouldn’t be too loose either!

Arrested development

As you mature, times change, fashions change but style is forever. Wearing sneakers, ripped jeans, logo-ed t-shirts is passable in the stupor of youth, but you’re a big boy now, it’s time to show some class. A shirt, sports jacket and pocket square says to the world that you’ve got places to go, people to see.

Premeditated wardrobe

The devil is in the detail so to speak. So, whilst matching your socks with your tie is quite the sartorial feat, you shouldn’t match your tie to your pocket square and so on. It’s great to give thought to your wardrobe but the idea is to complement, not to match everything. You will look like you’re trying way too hard…albeit unsuccessfully. Check out our blog for more detail on coordinating.

Wife beaters

Underneath shirts, this is a big no, no. Come to think of it, wearing a singlet outside of the gym is possibly the lowest rung on the style ladder. Men used to wear undershirts as a sweat rag to protect the layers above. Seldom do men need to worry about this in air-conditioned offices. If you’re worried about sweating during the hot summer months, try a high quality Egyptian cotton shirt; let the skin breathe. Now tell me, do you still really need that singlet underneath?

fashion crimes

The bling ring

For most men, a watch and a wedding ring (if you’re taken) is all you require. Cufflinks are a good way to reveal a quirky side of your personality if you choose to do so. Leave the necklaces, earrings and wristbands to the Justin Beibers of this world. Less is more, gents, and even though there’s been an avalanche of wrist bands hitting the market recently, it generally looks contrived and tacky…unless you’re Italian. You’re a man ready for action, don’t be weighed down by frivolous addendums.

Pumped up kicks

Ok, yes it’s a cliché, it’s a trite expression, but you can really tell a lot about a man by his shoes. A man’s shoes should be in good condition, polished and have some strength and quality about them. Invest in the best quality shoes you can afford, clean/polish them regularly and use your shoe-trees.

Repeat offender

Even though you may have many happy memories wearing that much loved t-shirt, or you just can’t bare to part with your lucky underwear, there comes a time when you have to let it go. Wearing the same clothes for years and years when they’re clearly past their prime is a crime. If your friends can take short odds on what you’ll wear, you need to update. You owe it to yourself to keep your wardrobe fresh and stain-free…and if anything is threadbare or has holes, needless to say its time to bid farewell.

Indecent exposure

So, you like your designer labels? Nothing wrong with that, except you don’t have to flaunt it. Wearing conspicuous labels emblazoned on everything you wear will have you looking like a walking advertisement…which most of the time says you bought said clothing item from a market stall in Patong or Kuta for a tenner and/or are a crass status-seeker.

Dishevelled and Disorderly

Wearing wrinkled clothes that haven’t seen an iron recently, is not a good look. It says you’ve given up and can’t be bothered, which is not the message you want to convey to the world. No one likes ironing, so if you’re short on time, get the dry-cleaner to do it for you or invest in a steamer. Looking put together is important for portraying success. Rocking up looking dishevelled or with wrinkled clothing just says you may or may not have slept rough last night.

Identitiy theft

You are a unique individual, so whilst its great to seek inspiration from some of the most stylish men around, know what looks good on you and dress in clothing that makes you feel like the best version of yourself. Don’t blindly follow the latest fads and fashions if they don’t do justice to your physique, your personality or work/play environment.